Sunday, March 25, 2012

Poacher Warwick: He Farms Champions

Sipping a glass of chianti after the day's last kill whilst sporting a top hat, monocle, and rifle.

Truly, he is Skarner's fiercest rival, both in the jungle and in the boardroom.


Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Jesse's LoL flowchart

Typically the result is that by endgame, Jesse gets enough gold to afford a few of the more... luxury... Skarner items.  He ends up looking pretty much like this:

Meanwhile our AD carry is petitioning the Fields of Justice for food stamps, and our solo mid is attempting to fashion armor out of used cardboard tubing and wondering how the late-game is going to go with three Doran's Rings and a health pot.


Monday, March 12, 2012

CSI: New Haven

"Sir, sir!  The flagship Gesselschaft has crashed into a building!"
"What?  Has anyone been injured?"
"Thankfully not, sir-- it seems to just be superficial damage, but it'll need to come in for repairs regardless."
"Hmm.  Troubling.  It seems odd, though-- do you know what caused the accident?  I know Captain Wright to be an excellent pilot."
"Didn't you know, sir?  Wright went on shore leave about a week ago.  He wanted to spend some more time with his family."
"Who was piloting, then?"
"Alice Wong.  She--"
"Alice?  But she's a newbie!  All she's ever done is pilot a skiff!"
"I'm getting to that, sir.  She's being supervised by her father, Joseph Wong, who's been with us for twenty years; this was meant to be a training mission of sorts for her."
Shrug.  "Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised this ended badly, Jenkins.  After all, every schoolchild knows that two Wongs....."

"...don't make a Wright."

Sunday, March 11, 2012

House of Fate Heresy Omake Files: SCP-1387


Object Class: Euclid

SCP-1387 was found in the third month of the excavation of SCP-1357, inside of a locked container (labeled SCP-1387-1) firmly attached to the wall of Explored Region 9C. The container had several notes adhered to it in at least seven different Middle-Eastern languages, three of them no longer in use, as well as one note apparently written in ███████. Analysis has shown that all translatable notes have the same underlying message warning the reader to not open the container, and claiming extreme danger should the contents be ingested. Due to the fairly extreme network of safeguards put in place by the creator of SCP-1387-1, opening said container required three months of concerted effort by the Foundation, in the end requiring usage of thirteen pounds of  ██ ██, twelve ounces of  ████ ███████████, and twenty milligrams of SCP- ████ . Unfortunately, this procedure ultimately resulted in the destruction of SCP-1387-1, with approximately 80% of SCP-1387 being recovered and placed under Yellow-Class containment.

SCP-1387 appears in the form of the Middle-Eastern pastry known as “borek.” Controlled testing has shown that when ingested, SCP-1387 has a number of deleterious effects on the human psyche, as well as causing up to   long, tumor-like growths to appear on the back of the subject ingesting SCP-1387. These tumors exhibit the following properties:

  • Prehensile upon growing to a length of one hundred (100) centimeters.  Subjects demonstrate little conscious control over these growths; however, removal of said growths has been linked to several signs of physiological distress, including heavy perspiration, increased blood flow to the extremities, and prolonged screaming.
  • DNA sequencing has revealed growths to contain proteins highly similar to Pyrococcus F███████ , revealing potential for [DATA EXPUNGED]; as well as possible origin in  ███ ████  .
  • Upon reaching 25 cm, growths become permanently coated in a viscous, acidic substance; litmus tests have shown this substance to have a pH of -1 in pure water, and a markedly deleterious effect on human skin (including non-tumorous skin of the host body.)

Detailed examination of SCP-1387's effects at different ingested quantities have yielded the following results:

1 mg:

Hour 0: Subject reported no apparent effect. Subject was released 350 hours later for unrelated testing.

10 mg:

Hour 0: Ingestion occurs. Subject reports no abnormalities, and requests an alcoholic beverage (request denied.)

Hour 10: Subject complains of itching on back, and requests a “back-scratcher” (request denied.)

Hour 19: Subject's complaints of itching increase. Subject attempts to utilize objects in his environment to dig into his back before being restrained by personnel. Afflicted areas have become greenish in tone, and show signs of swelling.

Hour 34: Growths have increased to 56 cm, extruding in four places from subject's back. Subject has shown markedly decreased empathy and impulse control scores in  ████- █████  psychological testing, and has expressed moderate discomfort during interviews.

Hour 70: Growths have increased to 135 cm, and have shown the ability to exert up to 10 N of force. Subject shows decreased verbal ability and increased aggression, and is terminated after injuring Agent D ██  and Dr. S ██ ███ in escape attempt during attempted harvesting of one of the growths.

100 mg:
Hour 0: Ingestion occurs. Subject reports no abnormalities.

Hour 1: Subject becomes quiet and increasingly unresponsive to interviewers. _ tumors have formed on subject's back.

Hour 10: Subject continues to be unresponsive. On threat of  ██ ████, subject reports increased feelings of aggression and a discovered interest in [DATA EXPUNGED]. Tumors have reached a length of 1.3 meters.

Hour 11: Subject lapses back into silence. Silence continues even after application of ████ ██ ████. Tumors have elongated to 1.9 meters. When prompted to demonstrate strength, subject attempts to assault Agent B___. Sedatives applied and restraints re-enabled to encourage cooperation in further interviews. Indirect evidence suggests strength sufficient to exert  ██ N of force.

Hour 15: Subject shows increased interest in [DATA EXPUNGED] in interviews, prompting Dr. E ██ to request a shift change with Dr. A ██  (request denied.) Tumors have reached length of 2.9 meters.

Hour 20: Tumors reach 4.4 m before subject is terminated to avoid possible damage to facility. Recommended further testing be performed in Mauve-class containment facilities or higher. Agent D ██  awarded posthumous commendation for courage.

1000 mg (1 g):

Hour 0: Ingestion occurs. Subject reports no abnormalities.

Hour 0.5: Subject reports extreme discomfort, and requests termination (request denied).  ██ tumors have sprouted and subsequently grown up to length of  █ m. Restraints and sedatives applied.

Hour 1: Subject growths demonstrate sufficient manual dexterity to [DATA EXPUNGED] all restraints, as well as [DATA EXPUNGED] up to  ██ personnel at once without difficulty. After killing, subject attempts to  ██████████████ the body, resulting in  ████████ red coloration  ██ ████████ until subsequent evisceration. [DATA EXPUNGED] found to be necessary in order to contain the subject, with resultant sealing of Containment Bay  ██ 19 in order to prevent  ██    ████with associated hazards. Additional sealing of air ducts found to be necessary to prevent [DATA EXPUNGED]. Class-2 biohazard quarantine procedures followed, resulting in loss of approximately  ██  personnel. Recommended that all future test subjects be fitted with explosive collars and [DATA EXPUNGED].

Additional Notes:
If anyone intends to test this stuff in amounts greater than 1 gram, they can sure as hell find another facility to do it in. --Test Site Administrator M██  F████.

Negative-- the updated set of safety protocols should be sufficient for containment of future test subjects, and the potential use of SCP-1387 for [DATA EXPUNGED] cannot be ignored. Tests for 10 and 100 grams will continue as scheduled.. --O5 Researcher P██ S██ .