Friday, February 24, 2012

Fate Heresy Omake Files: SCP-1359

Item #:
SCP-1359

Object Class:
Euclid

Special Containment Procedures:
SCP-1359 appears to require no external power source to remain functional, and, while closed, offers no threat to its immediate surroundings.  Therefore, it can safely be kept in any magenta-level or higher containment facility without issue, provided that temporary transportation is given to any yellow-class or higher facility prior to any interaction with SCP-1359. Exploration of SCP-1359 is permissible, but only in teams of four (4) with full safety lines.  It is highly recommended that exploratory ventures incorporating personnel C-class or higher remain in areas designated safe by prior teams, as the mortality rate of teams studying new areas has been found to be prohibitively high.  Furthermore, extensive portions of SCP-1359 are filled with noxious gases, and it is highly recommended that all C-class or higher personnel be equipped with hazmat suits incorporating, at very least, a full-facepiece self-contained breathing apparatus or a supplied air respirator with an escape cylinder. ̶I̶t̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶h̶i̶g̶h̶l̶y̶ ̶r̶e̶c̶o̶m̶m̶e̶n̶d̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶e̶a̶c̶h̶ ̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶ ̶s̶u̶c̶h̶ ̶t̶e̶a̶m̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶e̶q̶u̶i̶p̶p̶e̶d̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶a̶u̶t̶o̶m̶a̶t̶i̶c̶ ̶w̶e̶a̶p̶o̶n̶s̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶a̶m̶m̶u̶n̶i̶t̶i̶o̶n̶,̶ ̶d̶u̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶n̶a̶t̶u̶r̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶c̶e̶r̶t̶a̶i̶n̶ ̶o̶b̶j̶e̶c̶t̶s̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶t̶a̶i̶n̶e̶d̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶i̶n̶ ̶S̶C̶P̶-̶1̶3̶5̶9̶.̶  Carrying projectile weapons is not recommended in SCP-1359, due to the extreme reaction of certain objects inside SCP-1359 on being penetrated with gunfire.

Objects within SCP-1359 are to be studied on-site, as the subject appears to have automated mechanisms causing problematic behavior in the event that any on-site materials are transported out of SCP-1359. As expected given the nature of SCP-1359, GPS and related systems are entirely nonfunctional within the subject.  Under no circumstances should anything be ingested that was found in SCP-1359.
SCP-1359


Description
SCP-1359 appears in the form of a large, extremely old (though ornate and well-kept) oven.  It acts as a normal oven unless a switch on the side is flipped, which causes the door to then open into a space far larger than SCP-1359.  The switch cannot be flipped while the oven door is open; an experiment involving D-class personnel staying in the closed oven prior to the switch being flipped resulted in said personnel being violently [DATA EXPUNGED].

A gold plate on the front of the oven identifies it as the possession of one Jabir ibn Hayyan. While this cannot be confirmed, several of the contents of SCP-1359 are consistent with being in the care of an eighth-century practical chemist, including one alembic and six retorts of varying capacity.  There are also notes scattered throughout, most in ancient Arabic, but several which are either in a different, unknown language or in code; of the readable notes, most discuss the details of simple Arabic food preparation, except for one discussing the automated manufacture of [DATA EXPUNGED].  Most of the foods described are various forms of pastry.  Mention must be made of the "muffins" anachronistically described in some of the notes left behind by its prior owner; from this it is clear that the prior owner of SCP-1359 had at least passing familiarity with 20th-century foods, and may or may not have been the actual Jabir ibn Hayyan.

On first study of SCP-1359 on ██/██/████, there was a large quantity of food stored in several jars which, to all appearances, were quite edible.  One exploratory team (see Appendix B) found and subsequently consumed several pastries (hereafter referred to as SCP-1359-1), which five out of six D-class personnel present described as "quite tasty."  Unfortunately, several hours later, all six having partaken of SCP-1359-1 were [DATA EXPUNGED].

There appears to be an intricate network of security measures installed by the previous user of SCP-1359.  In particular, several experiments wherein Class-D personnel were ordered to remove alchemical equipment results in the item in question being [DATA EXPUNGED], with the offending personnel quickly and violently [DATA EXPUNGED] consistent with a force of up to ██ kN.  This prohibition against taking items does not appear to extend to the food.

SCP-1359-1

The whereabouts of SCP-1359's prior owner are unknown.  SCP-1359 was found on ██/██/████ in the ruins of a small Venetian inn, the destruction of which has been hypothesized to be intimately related to SCP-1342 (colloquially, the "th Grail War"), known to have been won by [DATA EXPUNGED].

Addendum 1359-01:  
Due to the [DATA EXPUNGED] associated with Explored Region 4A within SCP-1359 (see Containment Breach Report #█████46 by Dr. F████ for details), all requests to view, enter, or in any way interact with objects within Explored Region 4A are to be summarily denied to all B-Class or lower personnel.  Further interest in Explored Region 4A by any B-Class or lower personnel should be met with immediate reassignment.

Addendum 1359-02:  
In order to prevent the recurrence of [DATA EXPUNGED] described in Containment Breach Report #█████46, it is highly recommended that all food products found within SCP-1359 (in particular, those found within Explored Region 4A) be transported to a Mauve-level or higher containment facility prior to testing.




Additional Notes:   
██/██/████ :  Seriously, guys, please stop making the D-Class personnel eat the baklava from ER4A.  I know it's funny-- lord knows I've gotten bored and tried a [DATA EXPUNGED]-- but these are human beings, dammit, even if they are D-Class.  And before you ask, this includes you, Dr. Slant.  -Dr. B██.

 ██/██/████ :  It has recently come to my attention that certain personnel have been abusing SCP-1359's capabilities of [DATA EXPUNGED] for the purpose of making-- God, I can't believe I'm writing this-- "really good muffins."  This is about the most appalling thing I've ever heard.  For fuck's sake, people, we're a well-respected research organization, not a bunch of bored housewives that need a good [REDACTED].  -Dr. B██.

3 comments:

  1. Wait wait...they've been making them eat baklava? I don't even remember making any bakl--

    Oh.

    Oh dear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will be very curious to see how much Flask's depiction actually affects Caster's disposition. If it has a substantial impact on the "what I played" section of the triptych meme, I will be very amused and more than a little bit disturbed.

      Delete
  2. I'm telling you. X-Files and House of Leaves.

    GET ON THIS.

    ReplyDelete