Several days after the sinking of Venice during the conclusion of the most recent grail war, an evacuated cabin is found in an outlying village, known to be in the care of one Isaac Morganstern. A heavy manuscript is found on Isaac's desk, inside an envelope labeled "WORK IN PROGRESS: DO NOT READ." There have been several titles written and scribbled out; the latest appears to read "PHASERS: THE MUSICAL." Unfortunately, only one page is still readable, the rest having been rendered illegible by water damage. This... is that page.
CAPTAIN JOHANN lays bleeding on the deck of the STARSHIP BELLOWSMITH. The CREW appears panicked. A gaping wound in the hull reveals the cold and unforgiving vacuum of space.
Captain Johann: I’ve been shot by a phaser!
Crew: (He’s been shot by a phaser!)
Captain Johann: Not any normal taser, nor a military laser
but a full-blown, automated science fiction phaser!
The glowing should have warned me,
‘bout the cruiser gunning for me—
A futuristic omen of my hull blasted wide open!
Crew: But sir, sir, how did this happen!
Weren’t you in the mast, watching for piratical captains!
Captain (to himself): I suppose my constant drinking
Harbinge’d a ship soon to be sinking….
Crew (in reprise): (We supposed his constant drinking
Meant our ship would soon be sinking!)
A red sky in the morning, is a quite ob-vi-ous warning
But I feeeeeeeeear it haaaas no plaaaace
To a shiiiiiiip that’s allllllll aaaaaaaaaaaaa-spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!
(Captain Johann dies.)